Shave the World
by Faux Draconia
Summary: HAIL TO WOLFOS EVERYWHERE! o.o; This is my first humor 'fic...yes, the mispelling in the title is intentional. ^.~


"Shave" The World

By Faux Draconia

**Author Scribbles:** This is my second Zelda 'fic in the works, and an attempt at humor. Don't expect anything fantastic though. ^.~;;; It's also a bit short. Why? 'Cause it's a preview, narsh. :B For those of you who have read _Shattered Ivory,_ and are wondering at the lack of description in this one, it's because I'm experimenting with a different style of writing to create a faster pace. As for the story itself...it's about a trio of Wolfos. Time and again I've seen Wolfos fall victim to terribly gruesome deaths in Zelda fanfiction, so this is a story to just make all authors think a bit more about what enemy they choose for their "Redshirts." Or just to make them laugh. =) - FD 

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Post Scriptum: For all authors who wish to have enemies with strange accents, just remember that it's hell to spell check. ^.~

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Post Post Scriptum: What was I listening to when I wrote this? Alanis Morisette. :B

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Chapter One: Best Friends

"Hey Yushku."

"Hey Kerplunc."

Two carnivores were sitting on a hill, the rising sun catching the strands of silver in their otherwise dull black and white fur.

"What should we do today Yush?"

"I dunno Ker."

One of the pair lifted her foot, short claws at the end scratching an itch on the back of her ear. She swished her long, fluffy tail, embedded with bits of dirt and grass.

"…"

"…"

"Oooh!"

"What?!"

"Lesh go shee Piriki!"

"Yay!"

Both beasts went into graceful, magnificent action. Their muscular bodies were designed for one thing mainly—running. Now that attribute was being exercised to its full potential. Twin beings of the wind coasted across the wide grassy plain that was Hyrule Field. At the Lon Lon Ranch, a fiery orange-haired girl had to pull hard on the reins strapped onto one of the older mares to keep her at bay when she attempted to rear and throw her rider off. The smell of the creatures was in the air.

The first of the two was only different from her companion in that upon her forehead was a single patch of white fur that resembled a star. On the other's face, that patch was white surrounded by black. Beyond those factors, though, the two were almost exactly alike. It was commonly said that Wolfos did not have any distinguishing features among them, but often the differences were so small they were simply difficult to remember.

Splish! Splash!

"I like shwimming, Yush," one of the two lupines commented as she paddled her way up Zora's River, through a tunnel and out on the other side.

"I think all Wolfos like shwimming."

"Oh."

Reaching a small wall, the two jumped over it and padded along through the shallower water on the other side. A trio of frogs watching quickly bounced off their respective perches and into deeper waters. They then climbed up a series of ledges, stopping in front of great waterfall. Beyond the rushing wall of cerulean was an ambiguous dark entrance, and as they stared at it with glowing amber eyes, they wondered if it was actually there.

"Kerplunc?"

"Yesh?"

"How did Piriki shay to get in?"

"…"

"…"

"Ooooooh!"

"What?!"

"Not 'oohh.' I mean we gotta howl. Like this: OOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOO-OOOOOH!"

Yushku flattened his ears. "You're loud."

"Shorry."

"Sho let's howl."

"Okie."

"OOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOH!"

"OOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOH!"

"…" Yushku squinted- something was moving in the dark entrance.

"OOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOH!"

"Kerplunc, what's that?"

"OOOOOO—ACK!" Kerplunc was hit with a boot. She tipped over and fell off the side of the ledge, landing in the water below. Yushku whirled about.

"Ker! Are you okay?!"

"…I don't like Shoras…"

"Kerplunc!!"

"I am okay. I remember what we hafta do now. We have to howl shpecial notes, and make a shong."

"Oh."

Kerplunc made her way back up to her friend, and sat so her rear was over the symbol of triangles on the ledge. Opening her jaws, she howled a series of six simple notes, and the two halves of the waterfall parted like a pair of curtains. The Wolfos leaped forward and scrambled into the entrance, then trotted lazily into Zora central.

"Haha! We made it in!" Kerplunc hopped up and down in excitement. "I bet I can get to Piriki before you, shlowpoke!" She took off, leaving a momentarily surprised Yushku standing back on the path. Then he grumbled and ran after her.

"I'm not a shlowpoke!"

They ran all the way up two flights of stairs and around a bend, where the regal King of the Zoras was sitting.

"Mooooove it Mishter Round Blue Thingy!" Kerplunc's hind legs propelled her up and onto the head of the Zora, then she hopped down on the other side of the gate he guarded and ran out into a large open space. Zora's Fountain. A colossal fish watched her pass, blinking curiously. "Hi Mishter Pudgefish!" the Wolfos called to him before plunging into the clear waters. JabuJabu crinkled one corner of his giant mouth into a frown, then watched another of the mammals speed past. He sighed.

Kerplunc pulled herself up onto a bit of land at one side of the quiet pond. She stuck her snout down close to the muddy soil and sniffed around until she found a small indentation. She growled in annoyance as Yushku toddled up beside her.

"Piriki needs to keep his burrow tunnels in order."

"Yesh," Yushku blinked at the ditch. Kerplunc pawed at it and the dirt fell inward, showing a hallway of earth. Both the multi-hued Wolfos hopped down and moved along it, until, eventually, they popped back out in a small room. In the corner was another of their species, holding a paintbrush carefully between two of his claws and using it to paint a scene of the pond. He was albino- snowy white in color with soft pink eyes.

"HI PIRIKI!" Yushku and Kerplunc shouted collectively. The white Wolfos let out a yelp of surprise and scrambled behind his painting to hide, wrapping his fluffy tail about himself. He lay there in a quivering ball as the two other canines approached him and sniffed at his painting. Yushku leaned so far forward that his rough nose smacked into the canvas, and he pulled back with a cry. He stumbled off to another corner, pawing at his snout. Kerplunc blinked, then leaned down and nuzzled Piriki's ear. 

"Hello. Why are you hiding?"

"…oh. Hi guys." Piriki stared at her for a moment, then got up and sat back on his haunches. "How are you today?"

"BAD!" Yushku whined from the corner, unable to get the large blotch of pink off his nose.

"Pretty good. How are you Piriki?"

"I'm fine I guess. I was working on a n—AHHHHH!"

"AHHHH!" Kerplunc echoed. "Piriki, why are we going 'ahhhh?'"

"My PAINTING!" Piriki squawked, staring at the large Wolfos noseprint in the center of the masterpiece. He flailed his paws at nothingness.

"Piriki, how did you even get that shtuff in here?"

"My beautiful painting…!" The albino sniffled, his eyes filling with tears. Yushku stalked grumpily back over, the pink still on his nose. Then he raised a fuzzy brow at Piriki as the white Wolfos wrapped his arms around the canvas, cradling it like a baby. Kerplunc leaned over and whispered softly:

"I think Piriki hashn't been out of his burrow enough lately."

"Uh-huh."

"Let's play a game."

"Okie. What?"

"Uhmmm...oh! Shave the World!"

"Shave the World!"

Kerplunc and Yushku grabbed the tail of their wailing friend and began dragging him outside.

"C'mon Piriki, let's go Shave the World!"

"My p-p-painting…"

_Will Piriki restore his work of art? Will characters from the game actually show up in this story? Will FD stop writing on sugar highs? Will the world be shaved? To be continued… ^-^_


End file.
